Balancing Transparency and Privacy in Estate Planning

Among the various reasons people cite for putting off talking with their family about their estate plan is that they aren’t keen on giving others, even those closest to them, access to some of the more personal details of their lives. The most obvious detail they worry about is finances. 

Disclosing how much or how little you have can make a person feel naked and judged. Beyond finances, disclosing specific wishes for what a person wants to happen in the event they get sick or how they want their remains handled after death can come as a surprise to others, making for some uncomfortable truths and conversations to follow. 

The short answer is people choosing to keep what they have and want close to their vest, right where it’s always been. Unfortunately, this level of secrecy can create issues for them and their loved ones down the road. The good news is that transparency and privacy in estate planning don’t have to be all-or-nothing propositions and can be balanced with a bit of effort. Here’s how. But first, more about why it’s important to be transparent about estate planning matters.   

Why Transparency Matters in Estate Planning Conversations

As much as an estate plan, through its various components, can lay out instructions for what will happen if you get sick or die, when those affected by said instructions are oblivious to them, stressful situations can become even more stressful. For example, consider a situation in which you have decided to give your middle child power of attorney over your finances in the event you are incapacitated, and then you fall into a coma. 

Your decision to bypass your older child, who also happens to be an accountant, in favor of the middle child, an actress, may come as a surprise to everyone. Everyone except you, that is. You know why you did it; the accountant, despite being adept in his field, doesn’t manage his personal finances well, whereas the actress, who’s lived on a budget for years, knows how to manage her money, stretch it, spend wisely, and invest.

Given what you’ve witnessed during your lifetime, the actress was your logical choice. Not being logical to your children, however, has created a war within the family at a time when you need everyone to think clearly and stay close. 

Do You Have to Disclose the Exact Value of Your Estate?

Consider also a reality where you have decided not to disclose how much your estate is worth and what comprises it. This is your prerogative, of course. However, if no one is in the know about which assets you have, where they are, and how to access them, your heirs or the person charged with paying your medical bills during your incapacity, for example, could find themselves on a scavenger hunt and miss along the way resources you intended to be used for your care or intended to bequeath after you die. 

Yes, your privacy matters. But how you go about preserving it and to what degree matters. Disclosing some pertinent details (read: maintaining a balance between what you disclose and what you keep private) could have helped in both of these instances.     

Deciding What Information to Share and What to Keep Private

In Washington estate planning, you can share relevant, helpful information while protecting your privacy. You can do this, for example, by creating a list with your assets that you update as it changes, along with account numbers and login and password information. You should keep this list in a place where a point person or a select few know about it and can access it when the time comes. 

Please note that it is not a good idea to keep wills and other estate planning documents in a safe deposit box, as the box may be sealed for a period of time after a person’s death, not to mention banking hours, and therefore, access is generally limited, which could be problematic if, for example, your loved one need your advance directive immediately.

The point is that you can share what you have in your estate plan without giving anyone direct access to it or its precise details today. The same can be said of where you intend to direct your assets; you can disclose as much or as little about your intentions as you want. 

That being said, when making these determinations, it’s best to talk to a Seattle estate planning lawyer first. They can advise you on the pros and cons of your decision-making and guide you on how to preserve your privacy while still ensuring your estate plan remains useful and effective when needed. 

Setting Boundaries When Family Members Ask for Details

Because this topic comes up so frequently, we have devoted a blog post exclusively to it. But the crux of the matter is this: You are in charge of your life, your estate plan included. Meaning, spend your money the way you want, and enjoy that beach house of yours. Provide explanations where you see fit and where it makes sense to get your estate plan to accomplish its first and foremost goal — maintaining peace during emotional and stressful times in your family.    

Communicating Your Decisions Without Inviting Conflict

Estate planning conversations are necessary, but, truth be told, sometimes they can get rough, especially when loved ones are surprised by some of the plans or the details involved. As the person heading these conversations, it’s best, even in difficult moments, not to make matters worse by engaging in conflict that arises. 

Listen to what those who want to weigh in have to say, consider it, and table heated discussions for later. When you do return to them, maintain composure and communicate your decisions calmly. If you need added support, your estate planning lawyer can either communicate on your behalf or be present with you. If guidance on how to communicate is what you need, your estate planning lawyer can provide that as well. Estate planning is a process that begins with recognizing you need an estate plan and everything that comes afterward — drafting, updating, and probate, plus anything else estate plan-related that comes up, including how to talk about it. With support from a Washington state estate planning lawyer, you can turn an experience many people avoid into one that offers peace of mind. 

Speak With a Seattle Estate Planning Lawyer

Creating an estate plan is both a technical and an emotional process, and both can be facilitated by an experienced, understanding Washington estate planning lawyer. At Elise Buie Family Law, our team of Seattle estate planning lawyers has deep experience in all aspects of estate planning, including probate, and can guide you and your family through some of life’s most trying moments. Regardless of the stage you are at with your estate plan, wanting to create one or make updates or changes to your current one, we can help. Contact us today or schedule a convenient time to speak.