Feeling Stuck After Divorce? Breaking Free From Divorce Paralysis

During the divorce process, when people are unfamiliar with divorce procedurally and are dealing with the experience emotionally, it’s common for them to feel what’s known as divorce paralysis. With so much to do to move the ball forward, which can include compiling documents, selling the marital home, looking for a new place to live, and helping your kids to feel secure, among a slew of other responsibilities, it’s easy to see why a person might not know where to focus their attention at any given moment. 

The result is to become stuck, unable to do anything.

Eventually, though, with the support of a strong divorce team comprising an experienced family law attorney, a therapist, financial experts, and a divorce coach, along with other professionals as emerging circumstances call for, those who are divorcing get through it. 

That being said, for many, there’s a second wave of divorce paralysis after divorce, resulting from having to face some of the same pressures they were before, as well as new ones. Post-divorce stressors often include continuing to protect children’s well-being, adjusting to a co-parenting schedule, returning to school or work after being out of the workplace for an extended period, and prioritizing their own personal health and wellness. The list goes on.

If some or all of this sounds familiar and you are experiencing divorce paralysis post-divorce, regardless of whether you did or didn’t during the divorce process, you are in good company. Fortunately, there’s a way to get unstuck. Here are some suggestions for how to break free when divorce paralysis takes hold. 

Start Small and Focus on One Task at a Time to Break the Hold of Divorce Paralysis After Divorce

One of the most effective ways to begin moving forward after divorce is to take things step by step. Divorce paralysis tends to set in because a long list of responsibilities feels endless. So, instead of trying to fix everything at once, why not set a goal of picking one small task a day and finishing it?

This could be anything from organizing a drawer, sending a single email, or making a phone call you’ve been putting off to paying a bill, updating the account holder’s names on an account, or setting up an appointment with a financial advisor. The action itself doesn’t need to be time-consuming. 

What matters, however, is that you are taking control of your life in some way. Yes, tasks will continue to accumulate, but if you stay on top of your list, prioritizing tasks as they arise, and continue to check items off of it, it reduces the weight of what still needs to be done, and more importantly, conveys progress.

Look to Your Support System for Encouragement if You’re Feeling Paralyzed Following a Divorce

Turning to the people in your life who you know have your best interests at heart can lessen feelings of isolation and pain. Talking through your concerns, even if it’s just to know someone’s listening, can quiet mental chatter and help you feel less alone.

Support can look different for you on any given day and might not be what your friend or colleague who’s also getting a divorce needs. For example, you might want to get out of the house and meet a friend for coffee and talk about what’s going on in your life. You might want to speak to a therapist to help you process emotions and develop strategies for moving forward. You might want to consult a divorce coach, who can offer strategies on managing paperwork, co-parenting, or making financial decisions. 

Whoever and how many you choose to confide in, just having another person to check in with regularly can go a long way toward keeping you on track and reminding you that rebuilding is not only possible but also happening, even when you are sure you’re moving in the wrong direction.

Pro tip: The earlier you ask for help, the better. Don’t wait until everything feels out of control. Asking for or accepting help is an effective way to strengthen your ability to take action and make choices, and is in no way a sign of weakness. Each conversation you have, each bit of wisdom you glean, or even finding a sympathetic ear, adds to your capacity to manage responsibilities and put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Think about it this way: You would never tell a friend to face their divorce alone. Therefore, don’t put yourself in the position of having to face yours alone.

Fight Divorce Paralysis by Reintroducing Structure and Routine into Your Daily Life

Unpredictability fuels paralysis. With this in mind, introducing structure back into your day can help you create the stability you currently lack while reducing your stress. Start with simple routines, such as setting daily wake-up times and bedtime hours, planning healthy meals, or scheduling blocks of time for work, errands, and personal activities.

A structured day sets the stage for success. Once you feel comfortable with the schedule you’ve established, you can gradually add responsibilities.

Plan for Twists and Turns Along the Way

It’s also helpful to plan for the unexpected. Life doesn’t always go according to schedule, but having a baseline plan to fall back on can keep you steady when unforeseen events arise, which they will. 

You can use calendars (paper or digital), reminders, or to-do lists to track your commitments and reduce the likelihood of missing appointments. Use whatever method you’re comfortable with. The point is that seeing what needs attention and when supports you in focusing on problem-solving rather than spending time and energy worrying about everything at once.

Prioritize Your Well-Being to Inspire You About the Future

Divorce can suck out your emotional and physical energy, which can make even taking the smallest action feel impossible. Focusing on simple practices, such as getting enough sleep, eating nutrient-rich meals, moving your body, or taking breaks when you’re feeling tired, can have a noticeable and positive effect on your ability to think clearly and act with purpose.

The same holds for taking care of your mental and emotional health. Journaling, meditating, or practicing mindfulness, for example, can help you to manage stress and reduce feelings of overwhelm when they occur. 

Finally, devoting time to hobbies or spending time with friends is valuable for redirecting your attention to endeavors unrelated to divorce. Doing so allows your brain to rest and you to recharge. Even small activities, i.e., taking a walk outside or listening to music, can have a soothing effect.

Find a Seattle Family Law Attorney to Support You During and After Divorce

When you take care of yourself, when you honor your physical, emotional, and mental needs, it becomes far easier to complete tasks, large and small, and propel your life forward. As momentum starts to pick up, divorce paralysis gradually subsides, leaving possibility in its place. This is empowerment at its finest.

Family law attorneys with experience in not only the divorce process but also the life changes that accompany divorce understand this dynamic well. Not only that, they will have strategies and educational resources to share that can help you achieve the post-divorce goals you set for yourself and your family.

At Elise Buie Family Law, our team of divorce professionals counsels divorce holistically, preparing our clients for the legal, financial, and emotional challenges they may encounter. To discover how we can support you during your divorce and after, contact us today or schedule a convenient time to speak.