Is a Kitchen Table Divorce Right for You in Washington State?

If you and your spouse are divorcing in Washington state, are on good terms, and believe you can agree on how to resolve your issues without legal intervention, you may be considering what’s known as a kitchen table divorce. But before you go down this path, it’s helpful if you hear from a Seattle family law attorney first about how a kitchen table divorce works and whether one will be right for you.  

What Is a Kitchen Table Divorce?

A kitchen table divorce is pretty much what it sounds like: A divorcing couple comes together, colloquially at their kitchen table, where family meals were once shared and connoting a place of peacefulness, to agree to the terms of their divorce without the oversight of a Seattle divorce attorney or intervention from a Washington family court. 

Sound simple? For some couples, it can be. But only for uncontested divorces, those divorces where both spouses agree on all of the issues. Even disagreement over a single issue can turn an uncontested divorce into a contested one. 

The majority of divorces in Washington state, especially where children are involved, do not fit the criteria for an uncontested divorce. Or, if it does, as discussions progress, it can become apparent that the divorce is indeed contested. 

Even when both spouses have retained Seattle family law attorneys from the beginning, a divorce can still become contested, underscoring the value of legal oversight. Family law attorneys experienced in Washington family law and procedure, including how to create a parenting plan and determine residential time, can guide clients toward a resolution more adeptly than spouses whose negotiations are devolving and are likely unfamiliar with the divorce process.

This doesn’t mean a kitchen table can’t work. It can, especially if you and your spouse employ several strategies.

What Are Some Tips to Make My Kitchen Table Divorce Successful?

If, notwithstanding the above caveats, you and your spouse would like to attempt a kitchen table divorce, consider doing the following. 

Committing to trying

It’s critical to the success of a kitchen table divorce that both you and your spouse agree freely to try it first. If you are being pushed into it by your spouse, or, in turn, you’re forcing them into it, a kitchen table divorce will likely not work. 

Along with the risk of missing points due to a lack of understanding of legal issues and Washington’s complex family laws, it’s also possible that one spouse will have an upper hand due to existing dynamics between the couple or leverage due to some other factor, such as who is the higher-earning spouse or who came into the marriage with more.  

Bottom line, if you can’t commit wholeheartedly to a kitchen table divorce, or if you are uncomfortable for whatever reason with the prospect of it, contact a Seattle family law attorney for support. 

Create an Outline of Issues You Would Like to Discuss

Before coming together with your spouse around the kitchen table to discuss the terms of your divorce, consider the issues that you want to resolve. These can include how to divide assets, how the children will divide time between your and your spouse’s homes (called residential time in Washington state), how major decisions for your children will be made, and anything else you would like to see agreed to in writing. 

Remember, oral agreements are not binding. Your divorce agreement must be finalized, as discussed below.  

Recognize That It May Take Several Discussions to Come to an Agreement

Whether you are attempting a kitchen table divorce or are negotiating entirely under the guidance of a Seattle family lawyer, every divorce is rarely, if ever, resolved during a single meeting. Instead, it can take coming together during a few sessions to iron out pertinent details. 

Also, taking a breather, i.e., stepping away from negotiations to gain perspective, can help you reach an agreement with your spouse that you are comfortable with. If that starts to feel impossible, you still have other options to resolve your divorce amicably. 

Can My Spouse and I Still Hire Lawyers if We Cannot Agree?

As mentioned already, even when couples give a kitchen table divorce the old college try, negotiations can take a turn. At that point, couples can, and should, seek legal support from a Washington state divorce lawyer. 

Though you’ve had discussions about divorcing and the issues at stake, nothing’s been finalized legally. For a Washington divorce to become final, there must be a written agreement, it must be filed with the appropriate family court in the state, and it must be approved and signed by a judge.  

If you are concerned that turning to a lawyer will heighten contention and create further disagreements, the opposite is usually true. There are methods for facilitating an amicable divorce that involve lawyers, such as mediation and collaborative divorce. Mediation involves a neutral third party facilitating negotiations. Commonly, your own lawyer is by your side during mediation sessions as well. 

Collaborative divorce, which differs from traditional divorce but is still another practical option for resolving your divorce amicably, requires each spouse to retain a collaboratively trained lawyer to guide them through the process. Unlike traditional divorce, where the parties ultimately may have a judge determine the outcome on issues, Collaborative Divorce focuses on achieving resolutions without court intervention or litigation. Lawyers trained in Collaborative Divorce Law, along with other support experts, work with the parties throughout the process to address the issues and reach a mutually agreed settlement.  

Is a Kitchen Table Divorce Legally Binding in Washington State?

If you create a legally binding agreement, meet all deadlines along the way, file it with the court, and the court adopts and signs it, then a kitchen table divorce can be legally binding in Washington state. Similar to an online divorce, though, when you engage in a kitchen table divorce, you are effectively representing yourself, which can create problems for you that you may not be aware of until much later. Once your divorce is final, it is important to understand that your agreements are binding. The ability to modify terms post-divorce is limited, and on some issues, non-existent.

Modifying an existing divorce agreement is not a strategy you should count on having in your back pocket after divorce. Under certain limited circumstances, child support, spousal maintenance, and parenting plans can be modified. Typically, however, agreements made as to the division of property and debt cannot be changed, and you will be stuck with the terms you agreed to during your negotiations around the kitchen table. 

Even if you believe you and your spouse are able to reach an agreement, it’s still advantageous to have it reviewed by your own Seattle family law attorney, who’s advocating for you, before finalizing it. 

Hire a Seattle Family Law Attorney to Help With Your Kitchen Table Divorce

Divorces don’t have to be contentious, nor do they have to be overly complicated. The presence of a family law attorney during the divorce process, including a kitchen table divorce, can support both goals.

At Elise Buie Family Law, our Seattle team of family law attorneys is experienced in Washington family law and estate planning, and we are here to support you so that you feel confident in the agreement you negotiate and rest easy at night knowing you and your family are protected. We prioritize families and are interested in building strong contracts and relationships, using alternative dispute resolution or the court system, as your situation calls for. Contact us today or schedule a convenient time to speak.