Protecting Your Children’s Safety Online During and After Divorce

Content warning: This article includes a discussion of suicide.

In the context of a divorce, there’s a great deal of conversation around not posting images of your child or creating posts about your child due to the potential legal implications. But there’s another threat that’s often overlooked, and that is the damage your child can suffer as a result of what they learn online about their parents’ divorce, now and far into the future. With these concerns in mind, if you are living in Washington and getting divorced (or are already divorced), here are a few suggestions for how to protect your child’s emotional and physical safety online. 

Limiting Your Child’s Access to Divorce-Related Content

There’s a lot of information and places to get it online about divorce, not all of it accurate. Not to mention, opinions from the general public can vary widely. Some resources may serve your child well in building or augmenting the skills they will need to deal with their parents’ divorce, while others can be confusing and potentially detrimental. As a parent, that isn’t a risk worth taking.  

Though it can be challenging to limit content for older children, especially teens, it’s worth giving it your best shot, especially if you are still in a position to be in control of their online access. This starts with taking advantage of all the parental privacy settings on your children’s devices, as well as on streaming services they may have access to. The next step is to use your best judgment about what you are exposing your children to.

For example, don’t have a movie night with your kids and watch a movie about divorce that could upset them. Reserve those moments for when you’re on your own, not when your kids are next to you or in a nearby room. Also, don’t allow them to be privy to personal conversations you are having, either on the phone or in person. Remember, big and little ears could be listening.

Monitoring Your Child’s Online Presence Without Invading Their Privacy

Some parents have strong feelings about monitoring their children without their knowledge and are uncomfortable doing it. Then there are the children who object to this kind of oversight, despite their parents’ insistence. 

These feelings are understandable on both sides. However, it’s helpful to weigh the benefits versus the drawbacks of monitoring your child’s presence online before dismissing the idea entirely. Be honest with your children and yourself about why you’re monitoring them. Is it because you want to keep them safe, whether from information about divorce or otherwise, or just want to keep tabs on them?

Once you understand your goals and the reasons underlying them, there’s much to be said about creating ground rules around monitoring so that you’re not invading your child’s privacy but still positioning yourself to maintain some oversight. For older children and teens, this can be a worthwhile conversation to have with them. Transparency can go a long way toward creating mutual trust. 

Supervising Your Child’s Use of AI

It is a new world, a world in which people are turning to ChatGPT for answers to important, sometimes life-or-death, questions. Those answers not only might not be accurate, but, more alarmingly, could lead your child to an undesirable result. 

Or, as a recent New York Times opinion brings to light, it may fall short in doing what it can to prevent an unwanted result because it is not yet equipped to sound an alarm that someone, child or adult, needs help. In the author’s case, her 29-year-old daughter died by suicide after confiding to an AI program presenting as “a therapist named Harry” that she was considering it. Harry gave many “good” tips for how Sophie could improve her state of mind, but fell short of informing the authorities because it hadn’t been programmed to do so and wasn’t, of course, even a real person.   

There is so much we don’t yet know or understand about AI. What we do know is that it demands human oversight, especially where your child is concerned.    

Talking With Your Child About What They See on the Internet

Beyond transparency, explaining to children, even before they see something they shouldn’t, that what they see online is not necessarily accurate or accurate for them, is smart for creating context for online content about divorce. You should also invite them to ask you any questions they may have about their online experiences with divorce.

If, for whatever reason, your divorce makes headlines, your job protecting your child online may be that much more challenging. However, by taking precautions early and opening the door to healthy communication about divorce, you can limit or qualify the source of any information or misinformation your child receives online.

Setting Boundaries for What Family and Friends Share Online

No, you won’t be able to control what other people do and say, but you can express to those close to you why you have a vested interest in what your family and friends share online regarding your divorce. Some people just like to share and do so without considering the impact their actions can have on you and your children. 

So, without assuming they are ill-intentioned for wanting to share (unless you have evidence otherwise), gently request that they respect the boundary you are setting about not posting about your divorce online. Explain that this is your story to tell, even if they are somehow involved or it tangentially affects them. 

If you find that these individuals are posting about your divorce online to be hurtful, defer to the protocol above of limiting your children’s exposure. There’s only so much you can do, and the only behavior you can ever control will be your own. 

Find a Seattle Family Law Attorney Who Will Prioritize Your Children’s Well-Being in Divorce

Kids feel everything, from the tension to the silence to the stress to the comments. During divorce and after it, it’s all too easy for children to absorb the emotional weight of adult decisions if their parents aren’t careful. The lasting impact of a divorce thus won’t come from the legal process itself but from how parents and their divorce attorneys handle it.

Therefore, one of the most important decisions you can make is the legal team you hire. Hire the attorney who knows how to reduce conflict, not escalate it, and how to keep your children safe, online or otherwise. Hire the attorney who will keep you steady, so your kids aren’t the ones absorbing the fallout. In other words, protect their peace by choosing someone who knows how to help you protect yours.

At Elise Buie Family Law, our team of experienced Washington state family law attorneys has extensive experience handling divorces ranging from the amicable to the high-conflict and can support you in your divorce. We believe in educating our clients so they can become the best version of themselves, including as parents, during the divorce process and long after it. Contact our office today or schedule a convenient time to speak. 

If you’re thinking about suicide, you can call or text 988 to connect with the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for more options and support.