The Rise of the Menodivorce, Causes, and What’s Next

It’s no secret that gray divorces, divorces among the 50 and over set, are on the rise, and, surprise, surprise, hair color is not typically pointed to as a culprit. What might be a contributing factor? Menopause, which leads to what’s called the menodivorce. 

Menopause, medically defined as the absence of a menstrual period for 12 months or longer, is the time in a woman’s life, typically in her forties and fifties, when her reproductive hormones naturally begin to wane. It can come with a wide range of symptoms that include sleeplessness, irritability, anxiety, depression, vaginal dryness that may lead to pain during sexual intercourse, and weight gain, among a slew of others. 

The time leading up to menopause is termed perimenopause. During this phase, many of the same symptoms can occur concurrently with menstruation, which becomes irregular over time until it eventually ceases permanently. At that time, menopause begins. 

A possible side effect, albeit a non-medical one, of perimenopause and menopause is that a woman, amid her symptoms, may feel a pull to re-evaluate her spouse and their marriage. The result can be wanting something altogether different.

Typically addressed in popular culture comedically, from Edith Bunker’s (“All in the Family”) journey through “the change” to Samantha’s exploration of hormone supplements in the movie “Sex and the City 2,” menopause is no laughing matter. This is especially true given the insufficient research on women’s issues historically, which has, in turn, led to a fierce and growing debate about the deficiencies in care available to women reaching midlife and beyond.  

The good news is that in recent years, menopause has begun to garner renewed and more serious interest, which will hopefully lead to further research that will benefit women’s health. In light of this important subject, if you are contemplating divorce and believe menopause may be a factor in your decision-making, here’s a roadmap to help support you as you contemplate your next steps.  

Speak to a Medical Doctor About Menopause

You know your body best, which is why at the first sign of changes in your health, it’s best to speak with a medical doctor about them. If you find that your doctor is not listening to you or taking you seriously, consider finding a new practitioner. 

It’s imperative in any health matter to be your own advocate. Many physicians specialize in women’s health and menopause specifically, so seeking out those individuals can be beneficial to you.

The same applies to mental health professionals. Emotions can be heightened during perimenopause and menopause, so speaking with a therapist who has experience in women’s health can further support your experience navigating the physical symptoms of it.

Discuss With Your Spouse the Changes You Are Experiencing

Communication is the basis for any healthy relationship. For it to work, however, it must be fluid as issues arise. This includes your health. 

If, for example, you are feeling the effects of perimenopause or menopause such that it is affecting the quality of your relationship and your ability to be present in it, or it is shining a spotlight on aspects of your relationship, such as equity in supporting the household via finances or chores, it’s time for a conversation. The longer you wait, the further your divide will likely become. 

When picking the time for a conversation, choose carefully. Discussions about sensitive topics should be reserved for private moments, when both of you can focus on what the other is saying. Listening is also just as relevant as what you’re saying and how you’re saying it.

If the outcome of your conversation or conversations (it may warrant more than one, as well as subsequent check-ins) is lacking for you, it may be time to involve a third party. This can be a mental health professional, a marriage counselor, or a member of the clergy. 

What’s important is that this individual is a neutral third-party and is familiar with issues related to menopause and how it can impact a marriage. These people are out there if you look for them.

Seek Support From Friends and Family Who Have Had Experiences With Menopause, Divorce, and Menodivorce

Menopause, coupled with marital stress, can cause loneliness and isolation. Seeking out support from friends and family who have gone through a similar experience can provide comfort during a difficult time. This is true even if your spouse has responded positively and wants to be involved in repairing or strengthening your relationship.

Be cautious, however, about the people you involve in your marriage, ensuring they are neutral and genuinely support you in your goals rather than leading you in a direction that suits them. If you don’t know anyone in your circle with whom you can speak, consider looking outside of it to find others in your community who may be amenable to discussing women’s issues, or consider joining a support group. Though a group may not be called “Menopause Support,” there are women’s networks in which you may feel comfortable broaching these topics. 

Try Holistic Approaches for Relief of Menopause Symptoms

Along with speaking to a medical professional about symptoms related to menopause, many women find that holistic treatments, including dietary and environmental changes, render positive results in managing symptoms. Everyone’s body responds differently, so it may take some trial and error to discover which treatments will work well for you. 

Generally speaking, eating a protein-rich diet paired with an assortment of leafy green vegetables while avoiding drinking alcohol can aid in controlling weight gain as well as aid in having a good night’s sleep. Consult your medical practitioner for a plan that will suit your lifestyle and objectives.

Speak to a Seattle Family Law Attorney About Menodivorce

Though you may feel alone in your experience with menopause, including considering divorce in conjunction with it, rest assured that you are not living in a vacuum. Details will vary by woman and her individual situation; however, family law attorneys who handle gray divorces are often also well-versed in the elements that cause and run throughout them. This includes menodivorce.

At Elise Buie Family Law Group, our team of Washington family lawyers understands the impact that both physical and emotional experiences can have on the decision-making process leading up to a divorce, as well as the divorce itself. Many of us have had these experiences personally. 

With our knowledge and experience in divorce, particularly as it relates to women’s issues, we are here and ready to guide you through your options, supporting you and your family through this next phase of life. Contact us today or schedule a convenient time to speak with us.